Chasing those wayward dreams

Someone I've known for seven years still uses the word "bishies" in her livejournal posts.

I'm. I'm in awe. Is she frozen in time, I cannot tell.

Is there a way to stop neurosis? Because I hate rp neurosis. I know everyone gets it. Everyone has those moments of "oh did I fuck up? what did I fuck up? I don't even know but I bet I fucked it up". I despise it and I despise falling for it.

Ask me stuff while I get ready for the new year!

rp stuff is fine too. active and inactive list

As much as I love Mononoke as a series, I have to wonder why the level of violence towards women is so high? Is it a theme? A show that gives so much depth and time to the complexity of people and the culture is quite telling, but at the same time, I'm not sure if I have that much faith in the world at large.

- Redid my icons! It's weird not having paid time on this account anymore, but I hadn't updated in ages anyway, so I guess I had it coming. At least I got to keep my mood theme

- Still, I am fond of this account. I should make more of an effort in using it.

- Man, I've moved from making icons with borders to icons without borders! What is this transition, self? Are you moving out of the box?

- I have a new SIM card for my phone that... I don't need. But I have to use it. How irritating.

- Unlike most of the people playing ebz, I find myself not so ... into it? I enjoy playing it when I do, but other than that, I'm just very blah about it most of the time.

- Took a break from Sabra, which did wonders for my mood, but now I have to figure out how to get myself back into it. Tough game is tough.

- However, on the CFUD front, I am happy.

- Today, I think, I will not RP. Maybe I'll play Bejeweled. Or do something equally pointless with my life.

I have a well of anger I am trying to control. I am a Singaporean. I am also an Indian. I don't belong in India. I don't belong in Singapore. I don't have a community, I don't have a base, I don't have those things I used to have when I was younger. As much as I understand the West, I will never be part of it and the same goes to the East.

I want to talk about Gandhi. I want to talk about the home he lived in, the same home I lived in. I want to talk about my visit there, looking at the tiny panels depicting his life and the spinning wheel that remains untouched since his departure. I want people to understand there's a reason why we call him Mahatma in India. I want to talk about Hinduism, the dirty parts that stay with me, the times school was cancelled midway and the trips back home where I worried if a riot would come and destroy the bus. I want to explain how Ganesh is worth studying, but Ganesh worshippers took their idols to the sea and turned it grey.

I want to talk about the ugly things, the poor things, the orphanages I worked in, the mental houses I did charity work for. I want to talk about how literal the expression starving children on the street is because that was my life a long time ago.

Gandhi is not cooler than moe Hitler or Nazis, fandom, I know. Hinduism still looks nice on paper... I know. The only thing I can do is share. I can't make a point. I can't change anything. But I think, I will write a little bit here and there, and maybe, it'll mean something.

- I'm starting to loathe my weekends with their ridiculously long classes and exams. Luckily I only have three more modules to go. Still, it wears me down because weekends is when everything happens and I'm just not around for them anymore.

- Beat the Elite Four and slowly powering my way through the gyms. I'm still kinda upset over a trade I did which wasn't the most sensible one, but eh. I'll live. I miss my Tyranitaur a lot though :( Also my Charizard is stronger than my Feraligatr. W-Win.

- I think, probably after Loveless Weekend, I'm gonna not play Dean for a while ( I WILL LAST TEN SECONDS INTO THIS BUT ). I need to take a break from him. I feel I'm getting to the point that everything I say is starting to sound like drivel and it frustrates me.

- A friend of mine is here for a few days! We watched Being Human and talked a bit. We both agreed Mitchell in the pilot was hotter. :)

- My kids graduate next week. I am of many minds about this.

- Must get back into writing full swing.

- Business Law this week. At this rate, I'll be so multi-educated, I won't even remember what I've been educated about.

- I have an mp3 player again! God I missed having one.

- And because I didn't do this and I missed a lot of love memes: Comment here and let me love you.

To do list

- Finish app
- Study!!
- Do reading log
- Stop failing at communication
- Go beat Victory Road instead of continuously training (seriously self, I think you'll be fine, just do it)
- Maybe save up for an mp3 player
- Take crazy medicines more often.
- Beg dad to pay for my RP accounts if I can. If not, it's time to beg elsewhere (I hate, hate, hate doing this and I can't express words for the people who pitch in for me all the time. I just wish I had the freedom to do this on my own)
- Finish the essay for Dante and then start a second one for Dean. Oh, and finish codependent essay for Haruki
- State of the Union for my characters.
- Play George.
- There's more stuff here but I forgot what.

crankcrank.

- Zoo field trip! Both hectic and fun. Nearly lost a kid. Nearly died then and there. But the animals were great! The polar bears really put on a show and we saw lemur babies and tons of animals literally just a hair's breadth away.

- Came back. Wrote an email, cried a lot and then promptly passed out on my bed. For three hours! Zoo is tiring business.

- Only two more days of school. My parents don't want me going to school anymore. I have my schedule for Murdoch. Today, a kid invited me to his bowling party. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I might not make it.

- Writing has moved to bursts and three separate projects. Fight, fight, fight!

- I might do a self-evaluation. Or an anon meme. I need to recheck how I perceive myself and how people perceive me. But right now, I'm just worn out.

- Need to make pimp posts at CFUD, do my Cubia app, do Cubia icons, start posting at my DR.

- Ferrari is acting reclusive. I guess it's because he's finding it weird to be the only turtle in the tank. Maybe I should go buy another one, but the thought just hurts.

- I have a post with thoughts I need to type out. I feel now more than ever, I need to be clear and truthful with myself and with other people.

- Going for the Murdoch course! I will pay for it tomorrow ahhh so nervous god.

- Stopping my meds means my junk food cravings have come back in full force. I feel like a glutton.

- Awkward feelings with school! But, meh, as long as I stick by the teacher I like to work with (and she likes me too!) I ain't gonna make a fuss.

- I found Dune fic on the internet! GOOD DUNE FIC. As in, not written by me! Do you have any idea how monumental this is. Ahhh. I read it all afternoon and it made me so happy and the things I would do for a Dune cast, a dune anything these days, guys.

- Writing in patches, which annoys me, but writing is writing. I might do another writing meme just to dabble here and there.

- I rewatched Stardust lately! And I had forgotten what an enjoyable movie it was. I'm not sure what the book is like (and frankly, I don't care either), but the movie is something I could easily watch a lot just for the sake of entertainment. Because it is pure entertainment. I think this weekend I'm going to sit down and watch Constantine and An American Werewolf in London. Both are relevant to my interests and I haven't seen them in a while.

- Guys, I could listen to this forever. I just. I love covers like this. Someone get me all their albums.

- Did I mention I found good dune fic? This is like the highlight of my life right now.

- Still trooping through Pokemon. It's amazing when I replay this game that I start to remember my old tactics and still find new things that get me hooked. Because seriously, whoever invented that game knew exactly what he was doing.

- I should also rewatch Star Trek. Just because.

- I have my own computer! Granted, it's my dad's old one, but who's complaining? Not me, man.