Chasing those wayward dreams

For once, I'd like my father to do something and not hold it over my head like a noose.

"I will do this for you because I am so kind and you are a loser and fucked up this and that." He does it for my birthdays. He does it for my Christmases. He does it for my education. I won't deny that I do owe him and I do need to pay him back for it, but I am trying. I do not understand why he has to guilt me for the rest of my life for it. And then he wonders why I never ask for anything and turns it against me.

I'm angry. I knew this. I knew I had to pay him back. I knew that doing that, I will probably never get a chance to travel for ...two years, probably. I don't want to be here that long. This place is going to drive me mad.

EDIT - A SOFTER WORLD FEELS FOR ME TODAY.

I realized that the words dose/thosa will never stop being weird to be because no one in India actually calls them that.

It's dosa. sob. It ranks up there with things that bug me irrationally.

The other one being chai tea. (chai is hindi for tea, so sticking those two words together sounds like ...tea tea to me and it is utterly redudant)

---

So my mom was like "Do you want friends over for christmas?" and I broke into tears. I can't even think about it without breaking into tears. Also I got three hours of sleep and it shows.

I want a magical time travelling device that will allow me to relive my weekends and somehow magically get my activity for twelve characters (for the record, I do pull it off amply! It's just.. tiring!). Having a set limit on my computer to do X amount of things is starting to wear me down in a bad way, but this weekend felt less stressful (so I say now anyway!!). Also the joys of having new canon, of seeing Sam and Dean and Cas on screen has really lifted my mood (er, well. AS WELL AS SPN CAN... LIFT MOODS IN GENERAL) and I've been spamming people left, right and centre over how much I love Dean, my forever dorrrrrk. And the new developments canon has been giving me has been living me a bit amazed (though I'm glad I called the LoTR thing before the episode aired. POINTS FOR ME). CFUD has now pretty much settled into my forever place and I haven't had a bad day with it in a while which is good! I still get the feeling I'm overextending myself or seeming brutish on the internet, but I guess I'll never know?

I thiiiiiiink right now, my problem is micro. Gosh, has it really been a year? And while I flagrantly ignore having sex in micro blah blah, I still enjoy playing there. I just find that my overall level of play has... dropped! Like I find myself making more typos or being too lax with the line between IC and OOC. It could be that the place is finally rubbing off me and that somewhat bothers me on an intrinsic level or I just... don't care anymore. Or I want to start with something fresh. I kinda feel bad for the people I play with, especially Reyson's castmates because I don't play enough or I just tag here and there and I'm not updated and in the zone!! Or I don't know, but I feel a little bad regardless.

nnnngh this post is kinda useless. OH WELL.

"Man, I really want to watch Star Trek... but I haven't seen Wolverine yet. Maybe I'll watch Star Trek first."

"ARE YOU KIDDING WOLVERINE IS SO MUCH BETTER OMG!!"

"... Uh...huh"

"Star Trek looks like it was made by a bunch of gays and a gay parade."

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

THE FUTURE TEACHERS OF THE WORLD.

I.  I'm not a big Trekkie but fucking hell. I gave a nice brittle verbal retort to that statement but nnngh.

Also, I am undecided. Should I go see Star Trek or Wolverine first? THOUGHTS?

It says something when you hang out with a bunch of people and they don't really notice you're there.