Is there a way to stop neurosis? Because I hate rp neurosis. I know everyone gets it. Everyone has those moments of "oh did I fuck up? what did I fuck up? I don't even know but I bet I fucked it up". I despise it and I despise falling for it.

I am going to rant! Ye have been warned all who enter here. Also this is not directed to anyone! Let me very specific here. This is not addressing an incident, but myself mostly.

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I AM SO HAPPY WITH MY RRRPPP THIS WEEK.

- Despite struggling with it, I am trying to mirror Dean's development in canon (I may not like it! But damnit, if canon can do it so can I) and I'm enjoying the results of it! Plus, it makes me happy that I can do that because I have a fabulous Sam to play off on.

- Back into playing Merlin and rewatching it in bits, I feel superconfident in him again! Sometimes, I watch one episode of Season One to contrast it with Season Two and to be frank, I love Season Two Merlin so much more because he himself gets a lot more confident and so do I in playing him that way. I got bogged down by the card event and the amount of shit that happened to Merlin over a period of time, but I'm so glad I got over it.

- George is coming back to me too! Steadily. I need to throw him in posts more but he is safe!

- Hayate is my favourite though. He is just that ridiculously easy to play.

- So everyone knows my love for Dune is all-encompassing right? I sort of wonder how people feel when I play Leto, though. Leto's a bit of a gomode and I probably step on toes and he's really, really weird. Has anyone played a character where you feel like you're tripping over people, but you're enjoying it so it's probably okay? Not sure if I explained it well. But Leto is my baby, never dropping him (ghanima do want)

- aragorn says I should make a table for people who want me to app them counselors. ... This is what my life is like.

- I wrote an essay on Kirk and felt better. I feel I should write more though. Kirk's development is ... really strange compared to a lot of media I see because it's... not linear! At least, that's the feeling I got from it. I'm hoping the new movie will shed light there but that's like. A year away. And I'm terrified of checking people's meta on it because he's someone I adore my portrayal of (and I think for kirk, portrayal-wise, it's fluid. There's a lot of variations of the new kirk you could do) and I'm not confident enough to read anyone else's superintelligent thoughts yet.

- Wow, I talk a lot about RP. Well, life starts tomorrow.

I'm still enamoured with the idea of having a High School Dressing Room. Any thoughts?

So this week so far has been fairly magical in the sense that I can get up in the morning and use the computer! No school, no parents, it's like the high like. Of course, having too much of the high life makes me feel restless like there's something more I should be doing but I'm not! But eh, it's my week, I should spend how I like!!! At least if I keep telling myself that, it'll come true!

But I guess having too much of a good thing is weird as well. I was totally intent to play loads this week, complete my activity, do lots of icons etc, but lately I feel like I've been falling flat on that. An odd sense of staleness has infected my play (to the point that I was like sdfshdfsd I am playing Dean shittily! and Dean is my baby). I dunno what to do with thiiiiiiiis. I wanted to run an event, but I can't muster up the enthusiasm to do that! Which is really not helping my feelings of fail (perhaps I am simply not destined to run events, they are meant for beings with a high calling than me).

Well, it's only Tuesday. By Thursday, aragorn will be here and all those feelings will fly away as I smother her with my love.

- Inksome might be going down! Which means most of my RP related woes entries will be going along with it. So I'm debating starting a comm just to fill with RP thoughts and essays because I've played a lot of characters (and I can say that for sure) and so many essays tend to be scattered all over my journals. Might as well make a comm and start it in one place.

- I don't understand when talking to people became a struggle, but it has. I'm getting more and more moody and irritable towards... well, er, entitlement, I suppose is the best word for it (thank you unbelievable ). At this rate, I'm going to spend time talking to the sane people on this internet side and ignoring the rest. I've always prided myself on being fair, but I'm not gonna do that at the expense of my piece of mind. Just, no.

- I've been marathoning Avatar and it's very good just to watch and hang back. I wish the fandom for it wasn't so intense. (no seriously, spn? star trek? no problem. but avatar fans? when talking about a cartoon show? terrifying).

- I'm even thinking about apping Aang in pandoras if only so I can finally have a communicative person in my lineup (don't get me wrong. Sherlock is super-communicative! But does the man care? not one whit)

- For a while I thought I lost my Dean mojo. I'm so glad I'm wrong.

- I wish I was less logical about dealing with problems. At least that way, I can fake sympathy and go there there. But ultimately, that's not gonna help anyone! ... So asking that of me is just ridiculous.

- Need to get writing, pronto.

- God, I'll miss my icon slots in Inksome. That is my only regret. Oh well, time to periodically recycle icons at DW  instead...