quixotic | (no subject)

I am going to rant! Ye have been warned all who enter here. Also this is not directed to anyone! Let me very specific here. This is not addressing an incident, but myself mostly.

- So! Here's the thing. I suck at communication. Sometimes, I talk a lot, sometimes I don't talk at all. Sometimes I ignore, sometimes I pay attention to the wrong things, etc etc. In a nutshell, I suck at communication. Which is no one's fault but mine and something I take full responsibility for. I do it very often! I get sidetracked. More excuses!

That being said, forcing me to communicate is, well, not going to put you on my good side! For one, it makes me feel like shit. Secondly, it makes me all prissy. Maybe I shouldn't be! There are times when it's well-deserved and yes, for certain reasons I do deserve a chewing out. And I won't guilt about it forever, but I do have to take into account that I must talk to people.

But there are times when I just want. Everything to shut up. And I think I have a right to say, "I don't want to talk, leave me alone". I would like to think that people have a garner of respect for me to give me that much, but apparently not. But you know. Oz is always there for us, she's useful right?

Sometimes, I wonder if I matter as a person if I'm not some kind of damn sounding board for people.

While I don't talk much, I do like listening. I enjoy listening to little and big things. They might not be my interests, hell, I might not have a clue about what you're talking about! But I just like listening. But that doesn't mean I'll talk! They are not the same thing!

I met an old friend today and just being around her, I felt comfortable with myself again. And she told me some good advice about communicating, something I will probably implement. I will tomorrow, have a long nice chat with

wonderseal because she is an amazing wonderful person and I have been neglect in telling her that and drawing comfort from her presence. I will also try to send letters to various people. I want to try! And it's weird and it's hard, guys, it is so hard for me to talk and it distresses me and it makes me hate myself.

I don't like hating myself. Before, I used to martyr myself for it, but I gave up on those concepts a long time ago.

- And on another note. I am tired of justifying my love for SPN. If you don't like it, then that's fine. I like it. No, scratch that, I love it. And I shouldn't have to defend every single time. Because if we're gonna keep doing that, then I call dibs on pointing out the crap in Hetalia and so on. Just saying. And this makes me a terrible person, but frankly my dear, I don't give an assbutt.

- I am tired. Just tired. I want to do something and not be tired. I want to say things and not feel tired at the end of it. I should regress to being an empty-headed person. Because that way, I won't care enough to be tired.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'MMA GONNA DEFRIEND YOU NOW!@@@!!

I have tastes woman!! TASTES Now back to my gay porn.

I guess I am reading gay porn about Supernatural RIGHT NOW, so. MAYBE I WAS QUICK TO JUDGE.

BUT IS IT CAN YOU HEAR HEAVEN CRY?

NO

IT IS J2 H/C ABOUT JARED WHO IS AFRAID OF WATER AND JENSEN WHO BUILDS BOATS AND ONLY HAS ONE FOOT

where do you find these things i don't even

my flist is a ~*~magical place~*~

I must hang out with your flist.

I SHALL LURE THEM TO MEEEE.

... SPN's rps fandom is so imaginative :O!

Yesterday there was one where Jensen was a robot who was breaking and Jared was the mad scientist who was fixing him!

. . . ah, the war of "but you don't really read RPS!" and "OH MY GOD YOU MUST FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN JENSEN'S A ROBOT" has begun in my brain.

curses.

THE AUS ARE BARELY EVEN RPS, IT'S JUST PEOPLE WHO LOOK LIKE THOSE TWO GUYS

WHO ARE ROBOTS

OR SPACE HOOKERS

OR UNICORNS

. . .

I'M SOLD!! is there a rec list for the crazy ones. I hope so.

LET'S SEE

My friend Becka did Space Hookers

I have done, um. One, Two, THREE unicorn AUs. Apparently.

There is also SPN Storyfinders which is THE WORST PLACE ON EARTH.

And this fic, where Jared is a dildo who falls in love with Jensen and magically becomes human to be with him.

THANK YOU. ♥

I have a feeling that last one is going to be the highlight of any experience in fandom I shall ever have.

YOU CAN HIT ME UP FOR MORE ANY TIME

I have a lot of this ranging from SURPRISINGLY GOOD to OH GOD WHY

Oh my god this is like Pet Shop of Horrors except with sex toys.

I HAVE A FEELING I MAY INDEED DO THAT.

I've misplaced a fic, and I really want to read it again.
It's J2 in the end but was a Jarede/Chad of sort in the begining.

Jared was living in a trailer park with his sweetheat Chad, but Chad had a very bad heart condition, and Jay tries to protect him, untill his death one day.
Jay ends up alone for a while, then Jensen, wich is a porn star, come to live with his grandma in the park.
Boys meet and hayda hayda...
Jay is the surogate father of Chad's daugther, and the girl come to see him some time to time.

Please if some one know this one... I will love you forever ;)

...

Jensen, wich is a porn star, come to live with his grandma in the park.

See, I just imagine his grandmother picking up a ball gag and going "it's nice to see that you're still into sports, dear."

I AM SO SAD NO ONE HAS FOUND THAT FIC because I would read the SHIT out of it.

Alas! For now it can only exist in our MINDS.

In my mind it is glorious.

OH GOD SOMEONE FOUND IT.

YEAH. I will read it once I finish this fic about Jared being a sexually abused bartender.

(no subject)

fantastic - 2010-05-24 23:27 (UTC) - Expand

chash - 2010-05-25 00:07 (UTC) - Expand

AND THAT IS JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG

...

Jared as a dildo that falls in love with Jensen is the tip of the iceberg? I mean, the obvious double entendre aside, wow.