quixotic | (no subject)

I am going to rant! Ye have been warned all who enter here. Also this is not directed to anyone! Let me very specific here. This is not addressing an incident, but myself mostly.

- So! Here's the thing. I suck at communication. Sometimes, I talk a lot, sometimes I don't talk at all. Sometimes I ignore, sometimes I pay attention to the wrong things, etc etc. In a nutshell, I suck at communication. Which is no one's fault but mine and something I take full responsibility for. I do it very often! I get sidetracked. More excuses!

That being said, forcing me to communicate is, well, not going to put you on my good side! For one, it makes me feel like shit. Secondly, it makes me all prissy. Maybe I shouldn't be! There are times when it's well-deserved and yes, for certain reasons I do deserve a chewing out. And I won't guilt about it forever, but I do have to take into account that I must talk to people.

But there are times when I just want. Everything to shut up. And I think I have a right to say, "I don't want to talk, leave me alone". I would like to think that people have a garner of respect for me to give me that much, but apparently not. But you know. Oz is always there for us, she's useful right?

Sometimes, I wonder if I matter as a person if I'm not some kind of damn sounding board for people.

While I don't talk much, I do like listening. I enjoy listening to little and big things. They might not be my interests, hell, I might not have a clue about what you're talking about! But I just like listening. But that doesn't mean I'll talk! They are not the same thing!

I met an old friend today and just being around her, I felt comfortable with myself again. And she told me some good advice about communicating, something I will probably implement. I will tomorrow, have a long nice chat with

wonderseal because she is an amazing wonderful person and I have been neglect in telling her that and drawing comfort from her presence. I will also try to send letters to various people. I want to try! And it's weird and it's hard, guys, it is so hard for me to talk and it distresses me and it makes me hate myself.

I don't like hating myself. Before, I used to martyr myself for it, but I gave up on those concepts a long time ago.

- And on another note. I am tired of justifying my love for SPN. If you don't like it, then that's fine. I like it. No, scratch that, I love it. And I shouldn't have to defend every single time. Because if we're gonna keep doing that, then I call dibs on pointing out the crap in Hetalia and so on. Just saying. And this makes me a terrible person, but frankly my dear, I don't give an assbutt.

- I am tired. Just tired. I want to do something and not be tired. I want to say things and not feel tired at the end of it. I should regress to being an empty-headed person. Because that way, I won't care enough to be tired.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Blarg, yes, "I don't want to talk now" is a completely reasonable request, and one that should be honored EVEN IF IT WASN'T. sorry people are giving you a hard time lately, dear. :\

I happen to not like SPN OR Hetalia, but I like to think I am no so self-absorbed as to tell people they can't like it, just like I'm not going to tell them they can't like Baklava, which makes me actually physically ill.

<3

Siiigh.

Spn has a large fandom, so its reputation isn't squeaky clean, but I am just this close to crying about people telling me how stupid it is.

[Cuddles]

I don't... really understand why people would do that, you know? I mean, okay. If somebody really likes something and somebody else they're close to doesn't that can be hard, but at very least you just need to come to some sort of "listen we can't talk about this thing together okay" agreement. But going out of your way to ruin somebody else's fun... why would you do that to someone you call a friend? I don't understand.

uuofshuohf omg the alot

I LOVE THAT PICTURE ALOT

ALOT OF ADORABLE ICONS?

I wish I knew, I honestly do. But I've been getting this kind of treatment for a while. It's just lately, the people watching/hearing about SPN has acerbated, so I just get a lot of crap. Sometimes, it's directed to the way I play Dean because he's a jerk! and a hunter! And treats people terribly! I just. I don't even know.

Man, that's extra dumb. Especially since I... actually like playing with Dean, or the Hetalia characters -- it's a really good way to experience what's likeable about the characters without having to expose myself to the things about the series that make me uncomfortable. But either way, it's not like you are personally responsible for anything that happens in SPN -- you are not a hunter you only play one on ~~TeeVee~~ the internet! Directing anger at you is pointless and stupid and hurtful :(

I'm just like

if there's a choice between being IC and dealing with you.

I pick IC.

SUCK IT!!

Hahahahahaha

nuuuuuuuuu timmy why wont you capitulate to my unreasonable demaaaaaaaaands baaw

BECAUSE I AM A DICK.

[/some sort of I-Love-Dick-joke here]

This comment is exactly what I would have said, only better. ♥ Not talking about it is totally a valid strategy!