quixotic | (no subject)

I think everyone is deserving, in some form or another. To put it in better terms, I truly believe that everyone has something that makes them special or unique and them and that's how it is. Truly. Sometimes, it's hard to believe and more than enough times, it's easier to see the bad rather the good, the special because really the bad parts are the ones that stand out. And we all have a place, somewhere.

Last friday, in a place I worked for nearly a year, I wasn't allowed to take part in the staff photo. There is nothing of me, no photo, no notice, just simply I come to work and I leave. And that was upsetting to me, I manage to rein it in. I'm still not sure how upset I am because I just feel... vaguely empty, like I missed out on a lottery, but that's okay, I never win those anyway.

I feel like I have a right to be depressed, like I have a right to cry and sob and say, "This is unfair". But I can't or I won't. All I can think of if this is truly the place for me. I love my job. It calms me, in ways I never possibly imagined. And yet, that feeling of being utterly forgotten, of wasting my life in a place that doesn't even want to realize I'm there...

... Hmm. It took typing this out to reduce me to tears. Perhaps that's all I needed to say.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh honey. I'll say it again: it was unfair, especially because you love your job so much. It is unfair and they should recognize/acknowledge what you do. But I'm relieved you finally let it out, because I was starting to get really worried. You've the right to cry and feel depressed, you really do. Crying sometimes helps me, sometimes it doesn't, but I hope you're feeling better by the time you read this. I truly hope so, because you're such an amazing, caring, and incredibly person, and you deserve all the love in the world. I believe you're brave and strong, and I'm sure they'll recognize what you do one day. Even if they never do, I'm sure there will be other ways in which you'll know you're making a difference. Because you are. You're not wasting your life, and if eventually they fail to realize you're there, then it's their problem.

Honestly, I'm not sure if this is going to help or if I should just hug you, but I love you a lot. If you feel like you want to talk, or if you just want me to love on you, I'll be happy to oblige. Don't forget your own words honey, because they're completely true. And as little as this can be, I'm going to be there if you're still feeling sad. And even if you're feeling better, because I love talking with you. [HUGS A LOT]

♥

♥ I kinda wrote a very long comment, huh.

And to think you have trouble writing apps.

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Well, it's different to talk about feelings and stuff than writing an app. Though it's true. Remind me to work on my app tomorrow or some of these days, sob. Also, I adore you, honey.

♥

Duly noted. I have to still finish mine really.

I love you too. ♥

We totally should work on them one of these days, then. Though we still have timeeee.

And I love you, yes. ♥

This laziness is not like me though :( I finish apps early!!

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Aw, honey. Maybe it's just because of your mood lately? But we can remind each other to work on our own apps. \o/ I tend to write mine very last minute most of the time, though.

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Huh. I didn't think of that. It's possible?

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Yeah. Either way, don't force yourself. It'll come to you, I'm sure.

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The sad thing is I have it all written out in my head during a dream. Then I woke up and forgot. :(

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Oh wow, that's just plain horrible. :( You don't remember anything?

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I REMEMBER... SOME PARTS...I THINK. A good app written and then gone baww my subconscious.

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What is that icon. DAMN HONEY, you'll remember . . . eventually. Or you'll write another good app, I'm sure.

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I love it. I HOPE SO this app has me slightly stressed.

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It's a very nice icon. Don't get stressed, I believe in you.

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Aww.

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What, I can't? :(

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Well I hope so.

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I believe in youuuu.

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Thank you honey.

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That really is unfair, and I'm sorry it happened. Especially since it's a job you love, you want to feel like people include you. They should. I hope you feel better about it now that you've written it down. [hugs]

Mmm. A bit. A fey mood has taken over me so I imagine I'll be like a cross between zen and just plain weird.

At least the zen is in there.

YOU CAN'T TAKE THE ZEN AWAY FROM MEEEEE.

\o/

baby when I take photos and you are not in them I feel like I am missing a part of my soul!!

♥ ilu and i hope that your zen and kindness carries over to the people who are lucky enough to get to be around youuu.

...i have no idea what any of these icons are I DID NOT MEAN TO USE AN ANGRY ONE

O honey. Ilu ♥ and I miss you too.