quixotic | (no subject)

Current Mood: nostalgic

Entry tags:

stewing and brewing

(no subject)

My grandfather is dying. He is 82 years old. He is a world famous poet. He is one of the greatest influences in my life and in the lives of many people before me. He is the man who would put me on his scooter and drive me to the sweet shop every day if I wanted to. He was the one with rows and rows of books in his house, where I got my illustrated version of the original Sinbad adventures, rhyme for rhyme and some of the books that shaped my life.

He told me today, "I wish I could write like you"

There is a part of me that rebelled against that, against the complete and utter goodwill of this man who has given me everything without question. But if I don't have faith in myself, what could I possibly achieve?

I am going to lose him. I know that. I know that him living in pain is not something I want. But right now, all I feel is words in my mouth and I'm choking on it.

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I know how hard it's to lose someone who's very dear to us, but I can't say I can understand it completely because it's different for everyone, and I wish I could do more but I wanted to do this much. [cuddles a lot]

Honey, I do think you're very talented and that's why people who can tell you you're talented and brilliant is important. I've always loved the way you write, no matter what you do, and I know this isn't the point but still. We can gain faith in ourselves little by little, and I believe you can do that. I believe in you.

Mmm.

It's hard, but you're not alone. I love you, honey.

I know. Thank you.

If you feel like you need to talk, which I don't think it'll happen because I know you, but if you need it or anything at all, even if the only thing you need is just a distraction, I'm here. Always. As slow or faily or distracted I tend to be at times.

♥

♥

[Hugs hugs]

Thank you ♥

[hugs] I wish there were something I could say.

It's fine. It's difficult to say anything at all. ♥

*huuuuuuuuuuuugs*

[snugs]

I'll just sit over here and be available if you need anything.

I had a moment like there, where my uncle said, "I've never made it up to the Pacific Northwest" and you can't just... say "well come on over".

But I am available for you ♥

Thank you ♥

♥

♥♥♥ I am here if you need anything.

Thank you ♥♥♥ I appreciate it.

I'm always here if you want me ♥

I know. And thank you ♥

[just. loves.] I am probably always the most awkward with loving you BUT I DO! and i have faith in you and your abilities, and. and also i want to read some of your grandpa's poetry is that okay :(

[hugs you]

I never really knew either of my grandfathers, so I envy you the close, loving relationship it sounds like you and your grandfather share. I wish I could say something to help with the pain, but I suppose pain is the price that comes with loving someone.... anyway, I am here if you want to talk, or if there's anything you need.

[hugs ♥]

I'm here for you if you need it.

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