quixotic | (no subject)

Current Mood: aggravated

Entry tags:

the downside to humanity

(no subject)

For once, I'd like my father to do something and not hold it over my head like a noose.

"I will do this for you because I am so kind and you are a loser and fucked up this and that." He does it for my birthdays. He does it for my Christmases. He does it for my education. I won't deny that I do owe him and I do need to pay him back for it, but I am trying. I do not understand why he has to guilt me for the rest of my life for it. And then he wonders why I never ask for anything and turns it against me.

I'm angry. I knew this. I knew I had to pay him back. I knew that doing that, I will probably never get a chance to travel for ...two years, probably. I don't want to be here that long. This place is going to drive me mad.

EDIT - A SOFTER WORLD FEELS FOR ME TODAY.

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Yeah, that's not all right. I wish he could understand that he's not gaining anything by telling you that kind of stuff.

Hmm. I love you, honey. I hope you feel better soon, and I would offer my help if you needed it, but I dunno if there's anything I can do. But I trust you to distract yourself, because you're wonderful and you deserve to feel great. In any case, I'll be here later for you, as always. I'm gonna try to do that sleeping-for-more-than-5-hours-straight thing in a moment. Take care, okay? ♥♥♥

Honestly, I wish I could just stand up to him. But my father is so convinced that he's right and I've always been in the wrong and since my current record for achievements and sense isn't high enough to counter him, I'm stuck with it.

♥♥♥

I would tell you to stand up to him, but I'm not sure if it's such a good idea. When a parent is so convinced that they're right it's almost impossible for them to listen to reason, and telling you to just try to ignore it isn't easy either and it feels so unfair. Hm. [cuddles] I agree with

wonderseal regarding the nice things, too, and I wish you didn't have to deal with that situation at all.

♥♥♥♥♥

It'll be better once I get a job and an income. I just need to last out till then.

♥♥♥♥

I believe in you, and I love you. I'm going to try to be here as much as I can, even if there might not be much I can do.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

Go to sleep honey.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I didn't mean I would stay up! But I think you know that, huh. Yeah, I'm going to bed soon.

You're one of the most amazing and lovely person in the whole world, darling. You're not allowed to forget that, ever. I'm completely sure you'll get through this.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

GOOD.

Thank you ♥♥♥♥♥♥

And one day I will find a way to go over there, too. It'd be like a LET'S GO TOUCH DEAN mission or something. It might be impossible for a few years, but I can wait. It's one of those things I must do no matter what before I die.

I'm going to bed now. Feel better, ilu.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

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