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Okay, so, I'm in this place where I hate myself as an RPer. Or I feel everything I say or do is coming out wrong. I thought I was over this stage already, honestly. I've done this for two years now and while I know I'm not the best of the best or anything spectacular, I've always liked the middle ground I've been in and enjoyed myself and the people around me and to me, that's what counts!
But lately, when I play, I keep getting the increasing feeling that I'm sliding downwards in some shape or form and people can't stand me. I'm not sure how assurances will make that feeling go away or whether it can. I do appreciate it when someone tells me that they like how I play or take the time to compliment me, I do! But right now, I don't know... is it enough? Or is there more I should be doing or looking out for? And this feeling keeps hitting me like a sledgehammer and sucking out my drive to enjoy myself and y'know when RP becomes a chore, what needs to be done.
Honestly... I think I just need to play somewhere different. Maybe at that Western-media RP that grangran pointed to me or the OC one dust liked. Maybe I need to get out of a familiar place and be in a new one to judge myself.
But lately, when I play, I keep getting the increasing feeling that I'm sliding downwards in some shape or form and people can't stand me. I'm not sure how assurances will make that feeling go away or whether it can. I do appreciate it when someone tells me that they like how I play or take the time to compliment me, I do! But right now, I don't know... is it enough? Or is there more I should be doing or looking out for? And this feeling keeps hitting me like a sledgehammer and sucking out my drive to enjoy myself and y'know when RP becomes a chore, what needs to be done.
Honestly... I think I just need to play somewhere different. Maybe at that Western-media RP that grangran pointed to me or the OC one dust liked. Maybe I need to get out of a familiar place and be in a new one to judge myself.
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♥ And I love playing with you.