quixotic | (no subject)

Current Mood: blah

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roleplay

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Okay, so, I'm in this place where I hate myself as an RPer. Or I feel everything I say or do is coming out wrong. I thought I was over this stage already, honestly. I've done this for two years now and while I know I'm not the best of the best or anything spectacular, I've always liked the middle ground I've been in and enjoyed myself and the people around me and to me, that's what counts!

But lately, when I play, I keep getting the increasing feeling that I'm sliding downwards in some shape or form and people can't stand me. I'm not sure how assurances will make that feeling go away or whether it can. I do appreciate it when someone tells me that they like how I play or take the time to compliment me, I do! But right now, I don't know... is it enough? Or is there more I should be doing or looking out for? And this feeling keeps hitting me like a sledgehammer and sucking out my drive to enjoy myself and y'know when RP becomes a chore, what needs to be done.

Honestly... I think I just need to play somewhere different. Maybe at that Western-media RP that grangran pointed to me or the OC one dust liked. Maybe I need to get out of a familiar place and be in a new one to judge myself.

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Taking a break is probably the way to go, then. Though rest assured I do love playing with you and all your dudes.

There's also the Jurassic Park game which I'll app into someday when I'm not a lazy bastard. And I caught myself thinking that I'd app into that Salkia Island one just for the lulz. I'm not sure that's the best idea in the world.

The Taxon one pings me more than the Jurassic one right now but the Salkia one sounds like a trainwreck I'm not sure I want to get into, though it would be funny.

Yeah, I'd never actually do it. Taxon however has a great concept behind it.

Yeah, I really like Taxon's premise.

I might look into it again sometime. It seems fairly new and small at the moment.

Mmmm. Nice and small~

Aw hon.

Hm, if playing someone else new will help, then I strongly suggest you to go for it. Especially if nothing else is helping, yeah. Maybe it will help, but taking a break will be enough too. Who knows. ;; For what's worth, I love playing with you and that won't change.

I might just to try something different and not feel like I fail in general, which is the mood I'm in lately. And thank you for that, it really does help.

I never feel like you fail but, yes, I hope it helps. Have you decided on a game yet? And no problem, I'm only doing the little I can actually do.

Don't sell yourself short ♥

Probably this one (http://taxonmods.livejournal.com/). I have some Western movie/media characters I could play there.

I'll try not to, then ♥

Oooh, sounds interesting. I feel intimidated to play from western media in general but I'll cheer you on from here.

Good ♥

I'm actually better at Western media because I talk... similarish? Or I know more about Western media than anything else.

♥ It feels good to do something good, at least, especially after I sort of ruined something before going to bed.

No, I get it. But for some reason I feel like I'll fail more easily? Especially because it's like "EVERYONE WATCH THIS SHOW, THEY'LL KNOW I FAIL".

I don't know. I know for a fact that very little people in CFUD watched Psych until only after I apped. Now half of CFUD watches it? idk, I try not to think much of fandom and people's reactions which is why I can play Dean without stressing too hard.

Even though I do stress a lot on it because he's fandom's favourite~.

And whatever you ruined, honey, I have the utmost faith you can salvage it ♥

That's true, but if I'm trying the OC one that's out of the question now. ONE DAY I WILL TRY APPING CERTAIN CHARACTERS, but n-not for now.

I've already told you I love your Dean~. But I dooo.

A friend reacted very childish after one my best friends dropped half of her OTP, and then made a nasty filtered post about it. Now. She tends to get defensive constantly, but I told her that her post felt like an attack anyway because, I... expected better from her? There are ways to say you are hurt because someone dropped a character without sounding like an attack, after all. And she snapped at me? I don't know, I always end up clashing like this with her.

Mmm, then that's not your fault, that's hers and expecting better of her is good but unless she realizes it herself, nothing will change. I don't think that makes it any way your fault. I would have been upset to see that kind of behaviour in someone I know.

♥ I love Dean a lot, just like all the fans out there. But I do what I can.

THE OC ONE IS TEMPTIIIIIING.

She ended up saying I was trying to change her and how hurt she was because of what I said, instead of... I don't know, considering what I was actually saying? Sigh. But now, I'm not sure if I'll be honest with her next time. And you're right, I just... she even insulted my other friend in a PM with me, and that's not okay.

You're awesome even if you don't believe me. ♥

IT REALLY IS AND I'D GET TO PLAY WITH AWESOME PEOPLE.

Yeah, in a situation like that, there isn't much anyone can do.

♥

SOB I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN PULL IT OFF.

She's avoiding me now. s-sob WELL, I guess time will tell.

♥

YOU CAN. Are you working on it? SOMETIMES BABBLING ABOUT A CHARACTER HELPS A LOT.

I AM NOT IMPRESSED :|

I am and lol I just sent it your way why am I writing OCs and why do I suck at this

WELL, SHE'S BEEN BUSY TOO BUT. :( I feel guilty anyway.

You're awesome and I liked it.

Don't be. Honestly.

♥♥♥♥

I try, seriously. ;;

♥♥♥

I know honey. But don't push yourself too hard when the other side isn't budging. It works both ways.

Sigh. But if she thinks she did nothing wrong, and on top of that, that I hurt her because I didn't let her whine on her own journal? orz

Hmmm. Well, I'd have someone you both know mediate something or be clear on what exactly happened.

... That could actually work. ;;

\o/

\o/

I JUST WANT THIS DRAMA TO END.

YEAH.

THANK YOU. ;;

But of course dearheart ♥

Still. ilu ♥♥

♥♥

♥♥♥♥

I thread with you more than I thread with anyone else in CFUD. That's how much I like touching you in RP ways. But you know, you should RP for yourself, don't get hung up on trying to be interesting to other people. You apped characters you wanted to play, and you should play them because you enjoy playing them.

I know. I'm usually very zen about playing for myself but it's a mood? I'll just wait it out.

♥ And I love playing with you.

I HAVE THAT

RIGHT NOW

I HAVE THAT!!!

And the only advice I have is to kick back and just talk and hang out for a while, take a breather, remember that you are the coolest person on the planet and there are a ton of people who would tell you this. \o/ DUN WORRY BE HAPPY my zen, I must share it.

IT'S SPREADING!

I AM USUALLY VERY ZEN this mood is just. bugging me.

OR IS IT I go through this every half yearISH and it sucks but I am comin' out of it okay this time. As opposed to last time.

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