quixotic | (no subject)

Previous State of the Union for Kirk

Referring back to the previous stuff:
1] Micro hadn't dented Kirk's ambition to get out
2] Tug and pull relationship between Spock and Kirk

Now to capitalize on what has developed since then. Micro is working and getting to Kirk. It's been a month and there's been no word from the Enterprise, his one lead into the labs led into failure and Kirk is starting to feel frustrated, ridiculously so. He's still trying to take control of the situation and in that sense, he'll never truly stop. But that doesn't change the fact that he's been here a month and so has Spock which knocks about his conscience a bit.

Now Spock! Originally, the whole point of helping Spock through the experiment was so that Spock didn't feel sick. That was the whole point and Kirk would gladly sacrifice himself for that. It's his crew and Spock is a part of that. And crew is just very important to Kirk's thinking as a captain, hell as a person. We're talking about a guy who jumped off a rig to save Sulu from crashing in a planet that was about to be a BLACK HOLE. Kirk regards people, especially people he knows, respects, works with as a very integral part of himself. Letting them down is somewhat like letting himself down. One of the reasons he got so frustrated with Spock is that he knows he hasn't been much help, much of anything and that sense made him feel lousy because damnit he's a Captain now he's supposed to make things right. He had only thought of the short term consequences of the experiment. He hadn't bothered to put it in the long term perspective. But now, the long term is upon him, so he takes it up again.

Barring the responsibility aside, Kirk has found he... genuinely likes being around Spock. He enjoys talking to him. He finds it amusing when Spock comes to a bar and he doesn't want to stick around anymore because Spock is there and he doesn't belong in places like that so Kirk leaves! Even when he's butting heads with Spock, he finds it funny when things take an unexpected turn. He also finds he's better at predicting Spock's actions, that he's more familiar with the way Spock thinks and it surprises himself with that knowledge because while he did want that kind of relationship with Spock, he didn't really expect it to happen. But it did and the fact that they're getting more comfortable with each other pleases him ridiculously. It's kind of "I did it I won I GOT SPOCK" feeling. And now that he's kinda assumed responsibility over Spock, he's now pressing his buttons in other areas... sexual areas. Because Kirk is irrepressible and Spock is a great challenge. There are some form of deeper feelings, sometimes too deep and sometimes worrying to Kirk because he feels that he is getting in too deep and feeling a little too attached to Spock and that does bother him because that's not the normal way he rolls. A part of him is just like "lalalala let's ignore that and do something that feels good" and the other part is like "You're being a hormonal jerk" . Again, the genuine like, the genuine need for Spock is very apparent but to Kirk and something he has accepted, but the layered bits, the bits that make him pause and go "Wow. Did not see that coming, why do I feel kinda warm and fuzzyish?". He's not thinking about that. He might in time, but I think that might take a while, even for Kirk. He can be brutally honest about most feelings, Kirk being a very upfront character, but I think for subtler, more meaningful emotions, even James T. Kirk can feel a little lost.

NOW YOU OWE ME AN ESSAY SPOCK.