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Previous State of the Union for Kirk
Referring back to the previous stuff:
1] Micro hadn't dented Kirk's ambition to get out
2] Tug and pull relationship between Spock and Kirk
Now to capitalize on what has developed since then. Micro is working and getting to Kirk. It's been a month and there's been no word from the Enterprise, his one lead into the labs led into failure and Kirk is starting to feel frustrated, ridiculously so. He's still trying to take control of the situation and in that sense, he'll never truly stop. But that doesn't change the fact that he's been here a month and so has Spock which knocks about his conscience a bit.
Now Spock! Originally, the whole point of helping Spock through the experiment was so that Spock didn't feel sick. That was the whole point and Kirk would gladly sacrifice himself for that. It's his crew and Spock is a part of that. And crew is just very important to Kirk's thinking as a captain, hell as a person. We're talking about a guy who jumped off a rig to save Sulu from crashing in a planet that was about to be a BLACK HOLE. Kirk regards people, especially people he knows, respects, works with as a very integral part of himself. Letting them down is somewhat like letting himself down. One of the reasons he got so frustrated with Spock is that he knows he hasn't been much help, much of anything and that sense made him feel lousy because damnit he's a Captain now he's supposed to make things right. He had only thought of the short term consequences of the experiment. He hadn't bothered to put it in the long term perspective. But now, the long term is upon him, so he takes it up again.
Barring the responsibility aside, Kirk has found he... genuinely likes being around Spock. He enjoys talking to him. He finds it amusing when Spock comes to a bar and he doesn't want to stick around anymore because Spock is there and he doesn't belong in places like that so Kirk leaves! Even when he's butting heads with Spock, he finds it funny when things take an unexpected turn. He also finds he's better at predicting Spock's actions, that he's more familiar with the way Spock thinks and it surprises himself with that knowledge because while he did want that kind of relationship with Spock, he didn't really expect it to happen. But it did and the fact that they're getting more comfortable with each other pleases him ridiculously. It's kind of "I did it I won I GOT SPOCK" feeling. And now that he's kinda assumed responsibility over Spock, he's now pressing his buttons in other areas... sexual areas. Because Kirk is irrepressible and Spock is a great challenge. There are some form of deeper feelings, sometimes too deep and sometimes worrying to Kirk because he feels that he is getting in too deep and feeling a little too attached to Spock and that does bother him because that's not the normal way he rolls. A part of him is just like "lalalala let's ignore that and do something that feels good" and the other part is like "You're being a hormonal jerk" . Again, the genuine like, the genuine need for Spock is very apparent but to Kirk and something he has accepted, but the layered bits, the bits that make him pause and go "Wow. Did not see that coming, why do I feel kinda warm and fuzzyish?". He's not thinking about that. He might in time, but I think that might take a while, even for Kirk. He can be brutally honest about most feelings, Kirk being a very upfront character, but I think for subtler, more meaningful emotions, even James T. Kirk can feel a little lost.
NOW YOU OWE ME AN ESSAY SPOCK.
Referring back to the previous stuff:
1] Micro hadn't dented Kirk's ambition to get out
2] Tug and pull relationship between Spock and Kirk
Now to capitalize on what has developed since then. Micro is working and getting to Kirk. It's been a month and there's been no word from the Enterprise, his one lead into the labs led into failure and Kirk is starting to feel frustrated, ridiculously so. He's still trying to take control of the situation and in that sense, he'll never truly stop. But that doesn't change the fact that he's been here a month and so has Spock which knocks about his conscience a bit.
Now Spock! Originally, the whole point of helping Spock through the experiment was so that Spock didn't feel sick. That was the whole point and Kirk would gladly sacrifice himself for that. It's his crew and Spock is a part of that. And crew is just very important to Kirk's thinking as a captain, hell as a person. We're talking about a guy who jumped off a rig to save Sulu from crashing in a planet that was about to be a BLACK HOLE. Kirk regards people, especially people he knows, respects, works with as a very integral part of himself. Letting them down is somewhat like letting himself down. One of the reasons he got so frustrated with Spock is that he knows he hasn't been much help, much of anything and that sense made him feel lousy because damnit he's a Captain now he's supposed to make things right. He had only thought of the short term consequences of the experiment. He hadn't bothered to put it in the long term perspective. But now, the long term is upon him, so he takes it up again.
Barring the responsibility aside, Kirk has found he... genuinely likes being around Spock. He enjoys talking to him. He finds it amusing when Spock comes to a bar and he doesn't want to stick around anymore because Spock is there and he doesn't belong in places like that so Kirk leaves! Even when he's butting heads with Spock, he finds it funny when things take an unexpected turn. He also finds he's better at predicting Spock's actions, that he's more familiar with the way Spock thinks and it surprises himself with that knowledge because while he did want that kind of relationship with Spock, he didn't really expect it to happen. But it did and the fact that they're getting more comfortable with each other pleases him ridiculously. It's kind of "I did it I won I GOT SPOCK" feeling. And now that he's kinda assumed responsibility over Spock, he's now pressing his buttons in other areas... sexual areas. Because Kirk is irrepressible and Spock is a great challenge. There are some form of deeper feelings, sometimes too deep and sometimes worrying to Kirk because he feels that he is getting in too deep and feeling a little too attached to Spock and that does bother him because that's not the normal way he rolls. A part of him is just like "lalalala let's ignore that and do something that feels good" and the other part is like "You're being a hormonal jerk" . Again, the genuine like, the genuine need for Spock is very apparent but to Kirk and something he has accepted, but the layered bits, the bits that make him pause and go "Wow. Did not see that coming, why do I feel kinda warm and fuzzyish?". He's not thinking about that. He might in time, but I think that might take a while, even for Kirk. He can be brutally honest about most feelings, Kirk being a very upfront character, but I think for subtler, more meaningful emotions, even James T. Kirk can feel a little lost.
NOW YOU OWE ME AN ESSAY SPOCK.
ESSAY 1/3
I DO OWE ONE. Okay, I'm trying to essay now that I got some food and I'm done with my chores for today. BUT FIRST, I think I pretty much agree with everything you said about Kirk, it makes perfect sense to me.
Spock is starting to actually realize the fact they might be trapped there for a while. After considering the possibility that the People from Micro might be able to manipulate time, and the fact they haven't found any leads to get out of Micro, there are fewer plans left for him to carry out. Spock still lacks a job because he was using his time (off screen, mind you) to meditate and find another plan. But truth to be told, there's not much they can do at this point. The plan Kirk pointed out is one he considered before, but he's starting to seriously consider the fact the Enterprise might never get the signal no matter what they do, or worse, they will get it too late. And that possibility, and the fact Spock is starting to feel a bit restless, is starting to get to him. Actually, he thinks they might not succeed until they get more information regarding their situation, and that is proving to be pretty difficult. However, it is a logical move and it would be illogical to not try everything because they're in an unexplored planet and their technology is superior in some cases, and so Spock is refusing to actually let that get to him. Curiously enough, Spock believes in Kirk. It's very subtle and it's taking its time, but it's there. That last thread in the bar surprised me because Spock was completely honest.
Now. Spock will find a job now, I need to decide what yet, but he was avoiding it because it meant letting this place control his actions more than it already have. If that makes sense. But getting an income and getting out of the dormitories is something he needs to do. The dorms are cold, for one, and while he doesn't really care about the location, it's something on his mind recently. Funnily enough, I have pictured that he will propose the idea soon, and he desire for both of them to move out together. He doesn't really think of this as anything more than them being captain and first officer in a very difficult mission they have to complete no matter what, so remaining together is just beneficial and the most logical thing to do. However, the truth is that Spock is starting to actually find Kirk's company to be somewhat vital to him, and Spock is beginning to realize that simple fact.
Now, regarding the sexual topic. The more I play Spock the more I actually figure out why Spock is so against the fact of sleeping around with random people. See, I'm playing under the assumption that Spock has yet to sleep with anyone other than Kirk in Micro. I think Spock is not a virgin, and I'm playing under the assumption he's not (LIKE YOU ALREADY KNOW), but the idea of him having casual sexual intercourse with anyone else is . . . something he doesn't like at all. It is not part of his nature, simple as that. Spock is aware that sex is not such a big deal to Kirk, and in a way, that makes it both easy and hard. And this is where everything starts to get complicated for me to explain because I'm afraid of doing something wrong, and that I might have a completely erroneous interpretation of Spock, but I trust you to kick me if I'm getting too off. See, Spock is not a physical person at all. As a half-Vulcan, Spock won't show his emotions and physical contact is something he avoids at all cost. Under normal circumstances, a sexual relationship between them wouldn't have happened like this for obvious reasons, but the since it's imperative to have sex in Micro, Spock accepted the fact it was necessary. It was either that or get ill, and getting sick is more illogical than engaging in sexual intercourse. However, while it is logical to accept these conditions, he was unwilling to let this place force him any more than that. Despite this, he was so against the idea of having sex that Kirk had to provoke a strong emotional reaction out of him so he finally accepted he had to. Which is interesting, because if Spock had been alone here, I'm pretty sure he would've gotten sick. Logical or not.
2/3
With that in mind and the fact physical contact is a big deal to him, especially any contact with his hands, this whole situation is changing and challenging Spock somewhat. Having sex with Kirk is . . . affecting him a little. Because this is starting to go from Something He's Doing to Avoid Getting Sick to Something He's Doing Because He Actually Likes It A Little. Despite the fact he feels something strong towards Uhura, Spock is actually considering ending his relationship with her when they get out of Micro. Mostly because what he's doing is unacceptable, because monogamy is important to him, and experiment or not, Spock is becoming aware of the fact there's something emotional in the way he's starting to get involved with Kirk. This is something he won't say for a while, though, even if he accepted he has become emotionally compromised to Kirk already. Admitting how much this place is affecting him is out of the question (even if he admitted some of it not so long ago), Kirk would need to push him too much to accept this, but his decision to broke up with Uhura is starting to become absolute. He betrayed her, even if it was logical to avoid getting sick, he still allowed himself to get emotionally compromised with Kirk. Because every time they've had sex, there's definitely something emotional, albeit if subtle, going on between them. Spock is aware of it, and he's starting to feel very frightened by it. Last time (not the ongoing one, the one we finished a couple of days ago) made him more emotional invested that he actually intended to. Not only that, but he willingly made contact with Kirk's hand and that made him more aware of the fact he felt attracted to Kirk. No, wait, aware of the fact he's attracted to Kirk. Kirk makes him feel things, after all. Kirk pushes him in a way no one else dares to, and Spock is somewhat aware of this. In a way, Spock is doing everything he can to suppress himself, because this is starting to get out of hand for him. The fact Spock is a half-Vulcan makes him more aware of the emotions he should suppress and totally shouldn't be feeling, after all.
\o/
Right now . . . Spock is still frightened, but doing a good job at not showing it (or maybe not, since Kirk noticed some of it). For now, Spock will focus his attention on figuring out a plan and get out, because he's sure things will get worse if they remain in Micro. Spock likes this friendship with Kirk, but the sexual aspect of it and the fact he's realizing what everything means is what it's getting to him. OH GOD, I BABBLED A LOT, I still feel I'm not covering enough stuff. Another thing I'm not sure how to phrase is that Spock is possessive, really possessive, but he's not completely aware of it yet.
I'M STOPPING NOW. This is the first time I essay for almost two hours straight (I got distracted a few times, but that's not the point). OKAY, you can kick me if you see anything wrong, honey.
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