quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (little talks)
At least I can talk about my feelings in my journal without it becoming a debate.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (don't make me smack you)
Is there a way to stop neurosis? Because I hate rp neurosis. I know everyone gets it. Everyone has those moments of "oh did I fuck up? what did I fuck up? I don't even know but I bet I fucked it up". I despise it and I despise falling for it.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (mr bamf)
Unpopular opinion: I think plurk sucks at a social networking site.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (glittering)
Ask me stuff while I get ready for the new year!

rp stuff is fine too. active and inactive list
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (The Elfstone)
What if all I want to do is talk about my beyblade feelings???
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (bullshit)
As much as I love Mononoke as a series, I have to wonder why the level of violence towards women is so high? Is it a theme? A show that gives so much depth and time to the complexity of people and the culture is quite telling, but at the same time, I'm not sure if I have that much faith in the world at large.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (and i was there)
I think I have more music than I know what to do with. Maybe I should start cataloging all of it.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (The Elfstone)
Ask one personal question~
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (I LIEK)
Man, I haven't updated this in ages! But honestly, the same goes for my LJ. I could blame Plurk or Twitter, but truthfully, full-time work keeps me busy enough that I just don't care for updating.

Anyway, trying to make a decent effort into the foray of blogging once more. Now, with holidays and a job, I have a little more freedom with my life than I did a year ago. For one, my book collection has increased greatly!

Books I have picked up:

Territory by Emma Bull - I really enjoy Emma Bull's style of writing. She could make me read anything. But this was pretty enjoyable! Set before the events of OK Corral (which I knew nothing about btw. My American history is atrocious). It has magical cowboys and honestly, who doesn't love that.

Moriarty by John Gardener - The name might be familiar to some people. Gardener penned the James Bond novels, but Moriarty was pretty disappointing. There were some interesting moments of POV where he killed and replaced his older brother, but Sherlock wasn't mentioned at all and I found Idle Jack and the plot pretty tedious.

The Omnibus Guide to Star Trek Novels - I'm a trekkie now. Shut up.

Metaphysics of Star Trek - LIKE I SAID SHUT UP.

Fantasy Stories, picked by Dianne Wynn Jones - Interesting stuff! And it gave me some more books to look up later.

Stefan's Diaries: Origins - omg it's like Julie Plec trying to write het fanfic and failing really hard at it. STEFAN'S HEART QUICKENING AT THE SIGHT OF HIS BROTHER!!! I enjoyed it, though I'll toss out bits and parts to fit with the TV canon.

Haven't read yet

Magician by Raymond E. Feist - Haven't read his stuff before. Will do so tomorrow.

The Lost Language of Cranes by David Leavitt - My first real lgbt novel! I have high hopes for it.

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Pleasantries)
- Still job hunting! Ahh, why is this so hard.

- Also watching Wakfu! Which starts off rather disjointed and slow (I blame the subs) but picks up around episode 4 or so. It's probably the only cartoon successfully based on an MMORPG. The animation style is smooth, the episodes humourous (I was a little worried because ...french humour...) and the characters interesting! Like I know people go "this princess is kickass!! and different!" but Amalie was a princess who, well, acted like a princess! She whined, she sulked, but she pulled her weight around when she needs to! While still being a bratty princess! And it's interesting to see an old guy in the party for a cartoon show. Yugo, as the main character doesn't display the normal protagonist traits either (he's still a child! he's not reckless! he helps but still knows when someone's being stupid!). All in all, I'm enjoying it.

- Trying to get back into writing again. Maybe sign up for some challenges.

- Maybe rewatch Star Trek some more. I've been rereading Observations since a pdf came out for it and it's amazing how that fic breaks my heart. My first read had me in tears, the second one not so much, but my heart aches when I go over it. I love how she entwines it with songs and quotes from all over, as if to blend the future with our past. Also, she made bad romance seem sexy.

- It's weird, filling up the empty spaces where my brother was. I guess this is how he felt when I left.

- I enjoy the Sherlock section on tumblr. I come up with a lot of interesting information, compared to when I check the LJ comm. I even found a blog for a girl who claims to be a sociopath and her insights in the differences between a "normal" person and herself.

- RP is good to me! My slump with Dean has left and I scored some gorgeous threads, Kirk seems to be doing okay, I'm easing into Sherlock's voice, etc etc. Even Sabra seems to be coming along slowly. I wonder if it's worth looking into a smaller RP though to try out different things.

- Meatloaf I heart you, but please get out of my head some time.

- I love youtube playlists. Sometimes, for fandoms I'm into, I just make a playlist and dump whatever videos I like in them. Does anyone use that or do people just click Favourites all the time?

- Sometimes, I think my life holds very little meaning. Because I don't really do or say much outside my current interests. But honestly, I'm good with the way I am. 

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Glittering)
- Redid my icons! It's weird not having paid time on this account anymore, but I hadn't updated in ages anyway, so I guess I had it coming. At least I got to keep my mood theme

- Still, I am fond of this account. I should make more of an effort in using it.

- Man, I've moved from making icons with borders to icons without borders! What is this transition, self? Are you moving out of the box?

- I have a new SIM card for my phone that... I don't need. But I have to use it. How irritating.

- Unlike most of the people playing ebz, I find myself not so ... into it? I enjoy playing it when I do, but other than that, I'm just very blah about it most of the time.

- Took a break from Sabra, which did wonders for my mood, but now I have to figure out how to get myself back into it. Tough game is tough.

- However, on the CFUD front, I am happy.

- Today, I think, I will not RP. Maybe I'll play Bejeweled. Or do something equally pointless with my life.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (MORE PACING)
Things I need to do!

- WRITE!!!
- Study for exam
- Finish homework
- Haggle fee between the MOE and Kaplan
- Get more tutoring jobs

Things I want to do!

- Make icons
- WRITE!!!
- Finish my app
- Do some essays (like the compare/contrast one on Stefan/Damon and Dean/Sam)
- Rewatch STXI, Supernatural, and Merlin

Things I'm doing!


I am the most productive person.

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (The Magnificent)
Ganesh Chaturti - Log

- Emotionally, I've been very meh. Meh about things I like, meh about my RP, meh meh meh. It's a bad state and I don't like it.

- I've been listening to some old Hindi music soundtracks that I loved back in the day. I don't know much of the new stuff, though I should check anything A.R. Rahman puts out. He was my favourite composer. I mean, I love Ramta Jogi.

- I am tempted to do some writeups on shows I'm watching. Like a female appreciate post per week on the characters in Vampire Diaries, or maybe a Community FST. Hell, I want to churn out fics again. Go go being involved in fandoms again!

- WHY IS MY HOUSE SO QUIET AUGH. Though I love how my maid and I sort of chill, me on the comp and her in my folk's room watching Tagalog movies.

- Also man I use my tumblr ALL THE TIME. I don't know how this happened! Also, other people seem to find me and follow me! ... I don't know how that happened either?

- As a person, I have noticed I go back and forth on being empathic and patient to being a jerk! Or it could be my paranoia at work (it seems to be rearing its head lately). I might poke people and ask "IF I AM BEING UNCOOL PLZ SAY SO". 

- How does one get better at communication anyway? I feel out of sorts on that front.

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Wishing you joy)
I have a well of anger I am trying to control. I am a Singaporean. I am also an Indian. I don't belong in India. I don't belong in Singapore. I don't have a community, I don't have a base, I don't have those things I used to have when I was younger. As much as I understand the West, I will never be part of it and the same goes to the East.

I want to talk about Gandhi. I want to talk about the home he lived in, the same home I lived in. I want to talk about my visit there, looking at the tiny panels depicting his life and the spinning wheel that remains untouched since his departure. I want people to understand there's a reason why we call him Mahatma in India. I want to talk about Hinduism, the dirty parts that stay with me, the times school was cancelled midway and the trips back home where I worried if a riot would come and destroy the bus. I want to explain how Ganesh is worth studying, but Ganesh worshippers took their idols to the sea and turned it grey.

I want to talk about the ugly things, the poor things, the orphanages I worked in, the mental houses I did charity work for. I want to talk about how literal the expression starving children on the street is because that was my life a long time ago.

Gandhi is not cooler than moe Hitler or Nazis, fandom, I know. Hinduism still looks nice on paper... I know. The only thing I can do is share. I can't make a point. I can't change anything. But I think, I will write a little bit here and there, and maybe, it'll mean something.

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (So demons are real!)
Man, this journal has been really whiny.

 - My insecurities seem to be on the rise lately. I feel like I talk and nobody's listening so I'm less willing to talk, which is stupid because I have a gazillion friends who are all wonderful people and listen to me babble. But you know. Feelings.

- Three modules down, three more to go. I hate it so much but I'm learning so that's good.

- Got a presentation tomorrow. I'm not ...stressed about it but I am kinda :| about the whole thing, considering half my class sort of ...avoided doing it.

- I apped Shishio Makoto at Sabra! I LOVE SHISHIO but I am also terrified. I have never actually played a character of his calibre before! But I am also excited because I'm out of my comfort zone and there are a lot of things I could do with him.

- I need to get writing again. REALLY BADLY. I am so out of the habit that it's worrying. Writing is still my ultimate goal.

- I'm walking more often. Having an mp3 player helps.

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (beneath this gentleness)
I am a fuckwit.

Because I fail at relating with people. When people talk about their childhoods, I clam up, not because my childhood was bad, just because there are times I think it just hurts to try and relate them with others. So I shut up and fail at communication or mingling or whatever. I fail at showing pictures because I'm shy, I'm not particularly photogenic, I don't want people to get too close to me, I guess.

But I fail mostly because I thought at least with someone I knew in real life, that I'd be there, and have fun and be myself and not be constantly terrified of being hated, of not being the same person that I used to be. I'm terrified because I am so lonely and all I have at the end of the day is my rp and my computer and that's it. That's all. And I am a freak for being that kind of person. I'm a freak because I have nothing and no one.

Today, I fail because I thought she was leaving tomorrow and she left today. I didn't even say goodbye. I couldn't do that much.

Because I am a fuckwit.

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Secure with you behind me)
blablah Name a fandom and I'll give some unpopular opinions please note I have no clue what's popular and what isn't sometimes.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (riding on dreams from whence I came)
- I'm starting to loathe my weekends with their ridiculously long classes and exams. Luckily I only have three more modules to go. Still, it wears me down because weekends is when everything happens and I'm just not around for them anymore.

- Beat the Elite Four and slowly powering my way through the gyms. I'm still kinda upset over a trade I did which wasn't the most sensible one, but eh. I'll live. I miss my Tyranitaur a lot though :( Also my Charizard is stronger than my Feraligatr. W-Win.

- I think, probably after Loveless Weekend, I'm gonna not play Dean for a while ( I WILL LAST TEN SECONDS INTO THIS BUT ). I need to take a break from him. I feel I'm getting to the point that everything I say is starting to sound like drivel and it frustrates me.

- A friend of mine is here for a few days! We watched Being Human and talked a bit. We both agreed Mitchell in the pilot was hotter. :)

- My kids graduate next week. I am of many minds about this.

- Must get back into writing full swing.

- Business Law this week. At this rate, I'll be so multi-educated, I won't even remember what I've been educated about.

- I have an mp3 player again! God I missed having one.

- And because I didn't do this and I missed a lot of love memes: Comment here and let me love you.

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Killing me softly)
I am going to rant! Ye have been warned all who enter here. Also this is not directed to anyone! Let me very specific here. This is not addressing an incident, but myself mostly.

Read more... )