quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (beneath this gentleness)
The Windmill Lover ([personal profile] quixotic) wrote2010-06-09 11:07 pm

(no subject)

I am a fuckwit.

Because I fail at relating with people. When people talk about their childhoods, I clam up, not because my childhood was bad, just because there are times I think it just hurts to try and relate them with others. So I shut up and fail at communication or mingling or whatever. I fail at showing pictures because I'm shy, I'm not particularly photogenic, I don't want people to get too close to me, I guess.

But I fail mostly because I thought at least with someone I knew in real life, that I'd be there, and have fun and be myself and not be constantly terrified of being hated, of not being the same person that I used to be. I'm terrified because I am so lonely and all I have at the end of the day is my rp and my computer and that's it. That's all. And I am a freak for being that kind of person. I'm a freak because I have nothing and no one.

Today, I fail because I thought she was leaving tomorrow and she left today. I didn't even say goodbye. I couldn't do that much.

Because I am a fuckwit.

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