quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (don't make me smack you)
Avengers 2 trailer comes out with whitewashed characters
Fans: Wow I'm so excited for this movie!

Fantastic Four teaser comes out with a black main character
Fans: Ugh Fox sucks they should just give to Marvel.

I don't like MCU fans. It is nebulous and large and full of opinions, so it's not surprising but it's hitting a point where I just hate everyone who is into it. In a way, I'm glad I play Loki in a small quiet corner with non MCU rpers and people because they support the most ridiculous logic to dismiss other people's tastes. And I am furious that a movie where a black character is playing a extremely popular character is automatically dismissed just by the teaser.

And no, Agent Carter does not make it better.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (my home is the sky)
It's really hard lately, not to be angry and snap at everything. And while I'm improving my communication, I find that I'm struggling with unrealistic standards. Thanks RP! You're a blast.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (mr bamf)
You know, a few years back (maybe more), I would have been torn up about someone not liking me on the internet.

Now it's just jk don't let the door hit you on the way out.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (don't make me smack you)
What if we just banned white people from talking about racism.

Like I get you're trying to get equal representation, but for god's sake, don't lecture non-white people on racism, that's just embarrassing.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (tumbling down)
I think what's really depressing about Hollywood these days is that parents take their kids to see Michael Bay's versions of things. Which are full of misogyny and sexism. And that's what the kids think are cool.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (my home is the sky)
Sometimes I wish fandom wouldn't make me hate the MCU. "Wow it's so progressive!" "Look how relevant and deep this is!" is getting more and more difficult to parse every day. And nothing is me ingratiating than people telling me how valid it is and how it applies to my life.

Because apparently everyone on the internet is American.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (bullshit)
Why do people in work environments always assume you're a mind reader? I LITERALLY CANNOT UNDERSTAND THAT TRAIN OF THOUGHT. It's either "You're doing things too fast" (my god, I'm too efficient!!) or "You're not doing enough" (they won't give me jobs to do though). All in all, wow, this is a frustrating work week.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (little talks)
At least I can talk about my feelings in my journal without it becoming a debate.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (mr bamf)
Unpopular opinion: I think plurk sucks at a social networking site.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Wishing you joy)
I have a well of anger I am trying to control. I am a Singaporean. I am also an Indian. I don't belong in India. I don't belong in Singapore. I don't have a community, I don't have a base, I don't have those things I used to have when I was younger. As much as I understand the West, I will never be part of it and the same goes to the East.

I want to talk about Gandhi. I want to talk about the home he lived in, the same home I lived in. I want to talk about my visit there, looking at the tiny panels depicting his life and the spinning wheel that remains untouched since his departure. I want people to understand there's a reason why we call him Mahatma in India. I want to talk about Hinduism, the dirty parts that stay with me, the times school was cancelled midway and the trips back home where I worried if a riot would come and destroy the bus. I want to explain how Ganesh is worth studying, but Ganesh worshippers took their idols to the sea and turned it grey.

I want to talk about the ugly things, the poor things, the orphanages I worked in, the mental houses I did charity work for. I want to talk about how literal the expression starving children on the street is because that was my life a long time ago.

Gandhi is not cooler than moe Hitler or Nazis, fandom, I know. Hinduism still looks nice on paper... I know. The only thing I can do is share. I can't make a point. I can't change anything. But I think, I will write a little bit here and there, and maybe, it'll mean something.

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (beneath this gentleness)
I am a fuckwit.

Because I fail at relating with people. When people talk about their childhoods, I clam up, not because my childhood was bad, just because there are times I think it just hurts to try and relate them with others. So I shut up and fail at communication or mingling or whatever. I fail at showing pictures because I'm shy, I'm not particularly photogenic, I don't want people to get too close to me, I guess.

But I fail mostly because I thought at least with someone I knew in real life, that I'd be there, and have fun and be myself and not be constantly terrified of being hated, of not being the same person that I used to be. I'm terrified because I am so lonely and all I have at the end of the day is my rp and my computer and that's it. That's all. And I am a freak for being that kind of person. I'm a freak because I have nothing and no one.

Today, I fail because I thought she was leaving tomorrow and she left today. I didn't even say goodbye. I couldn't do that much.

Because I am a fuckwit.

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Killing me softly)
I am going to rant! Ye have been warned all who enter here. Also this is not directed to anyone! Let me very specific here. This is not addressing an incident, but myself mostly.

Read more... )
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Wishing you joy)

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quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Your point being?)
need moar happy in mai lyfe.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Pity-fest)
- blah the depression blues blahhh.

- god, you know what I wanted to do for ages and haven't gotten around to? Going to a cafe and chilling. Just that.

- Sending writing to places! The NewYorker site is a bitch, guys. A bitch.

- Tokage finished! and ahhh, it was so well done and perfect and why don't more people love this series I do not know.

- I'm trying to make icons again. This comp is weird so I have to get used to it.

- I can hear my free time slipping away.

- How is everyone? I've been ridiculously bad at communication lately. TELL ME SOMETHING NEW.

- Bio-Resonance says I have cancer cells. But Bio-Resonance also makes me hold things and somehow measure my energy levels. I don't know anymore.

- When did I become such a schmuck.

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Reaching for the sky)
So, recently, when I went to Kinokuniya, I spotted an Archie comic! So I flipped it open to see what it was like! 

Apparently it was a five-part issue about Archie and Betty's wedding. They had kids, Jughead got married...

It was a very distressing thing to read.

When I was younger, I loved Betty because Betty was the good girl who never got anywhere. We all loved her and wanted her to get what she wanted! But she never did. That was the whole point of the Archie comics; Archie couldn't choose, Jughead didn't like girls, Reggie fails because he's a meanie... it was supposed to leave you guessing, thinking, wishing. How many times have I conjured up scenarios where Betty got Archie to the prom? Or Reggie crossed a line?

I don't know what Archie comics are doing anymore. I stopped caring about it a long time ago. But seeing that issue, reading through it... I feel like they've taken away a part of my childhood and I don't know how to get over it.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (at least that's what I THINK)
- Inksome might be going down! Which means most of my RP related woes entries will be going along with it. So I'm debating starting a comm just to fill with RP thoughts and essays because I've played a lot of characters (and I can say that for sure) and so many essays tend to be scattered all over my journals. Might as well make a comm and start it in one place.

- I don't understand when talking to people became a struggle, but it has. I'm getting more and more moody and irritable towards... well, er, entitlement, I suppose is the best word for it (thank you [personal profile] unbelievable ). At this rate, I'm going to spend time talking to the sane people on this internet side and ignoring the rest. I've always prided myself on being fair, but I'm not gonna do that at the expense of my piece of mind. Just, no.

- I've been marathoning Avatar and it's very good just to watch and hang back. I wish the fandom for it wasn't so intense. (no seriously, spn? star trek? no problem. but avatar fans? when talking about a cartoon show? terrifying).

- I'm even thinking about apping Aang in [community profile] pandoras if only so I can finally have a communicative person in my lineup (don't get me wrong. Sherlock is super-communicative! But does the man care? not one whit)

- For a while I thought I lost my Dean mojo. I'm so glad I'm wrong.

- I wish I was less logical about dealing with problems. At least that way, I can fake sympathy and go there there. But ultimately, that's not gonna help anyone! ... So asking that of me is just ridiculous.

- Need to get writing, pronto.

- God, I'll miss my icon slots in Inksome. That is my only regret. Oh well, time to periodically recycle icons at DW  instead...

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (I defeated the god of death)
I'm going to pretend I enjoy the sound of my own voice.

I will be back when I realize that this is but a foolish dream.