quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (my home is the sky)
It's really hard lately, not to be angry and snap at everything. And while I'm improving my communication, I find that I'm struggling with unrealistic standards. Thanks RP! You're a blast.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (mr bamf)
You know, a few years back (maybe more), I would have been torn up about someone not liking me on the internet.

Now it's just jk don't let the door hit you on the way out.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (don't make me smack you)
Is there a way to stop neurosis? Because I hate rp neurosis. I know everyone gets it. Everyone has those moments of "oh did I fuck up? what did I fuck up? I don't even know but I bet I fucked it up". I despise it and I despise falling for it.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (glittering)
Ask me stuff while I get ready for the new year!

rp stuff is fine too. active and inactive list
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (riding on dreams from whence I came)
- I'm starting to loathe my weekends with their ridiculously long classes and exams. Luckily I only have three more modules to go. Still, it wears me down because weekends is when everything happens and I'm just not around for them anymore.

- Beat the Elite Four and slowly powering my way through the gyms. I'm still kinda upset over a trade I did which wasn't the most sensible one, but eh. I'll live. I miss my Tyranitaur a lot though :( Also my Charizard is stronger than my Feraligatr. W-Win.

- I think, probably after Loveless Weekend, I'm gonna not play Dean for a while ( I WILL LAST TEN SECONDS INTO THIS BUT ). I need to take a break from him. I feel I'm getting to the point that everything I say is starting to sound like drivel and it frustrates me.

- A friend of mine is here for a few days! We watched Being Human and talked a bit. We both agreed Mitchell in the pilot was hotter. :)

- My kids graduate next week. I am of many minds about this.

- Must get back into writing full swing.

- Business Law this week. At this rate, I'll be so multi-educated, I won't even remember what I've been educated about.

- I have an mp3 player again! God I missed having one.

- And because I didn't do this and I missed a lot of love memes: Comment here and let me love you.

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Killing me softly)
I am going to rant! Ye have been warned all who enter here. Also this is not directed to anyone! Let me very specific here. This is not addressing an incident, but myself mostly.

Read more... )
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Give a little whistle)
- [livejournal.com profile] hadaringonit get! Ahh I play a LOTR characterrrr.

- Man, I've been pretty tired lately. Stupid classes. On the other hand, I'm a competent accountant and statistics person now.

- I'm gonna chill with TV shows for a while.

- I have nothing to update about, sigh.

- I wish I had moneys. (/whine)

- I'm a grumpy person.

RRRPEASSS

May. 2nd, 2010 08:06 pm
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (I AM A WINNER)
I AM SO HAPPY WITH MY RRRPPP THIS WEEK.

- Despite struggling with it, I am trying to mirror Dean's development in canon (I may not like it! But damnit, if canon can do it so can I) and I'm enjoying the results of it! Plus, it makes me happy that I can do that because I have a fabulous Sam to play off on.

- Back into playing Merlin and rewatching it in bits, I feel superconfident in him again! Sometimes, I watch one episode of Season One to contrast it with Season Two and to be frank, I love Season Two Merlin so much more because he himself gets a lot more confident and so do I in playing him that way. I got bogged down by the card event and the amount of shit that happened to Merlin over a period of time, but I'm so glad I got over it.

- George is coming back to me too! Steadily. I need to throw him in posts more but he is safe!

- Hayate is my favourite though. He is just that ridiculously easy to play.

- So everyone knows my love for Dune is all-encompassing right? I sort of wonder how people feel when I play Leto, though. Leto's a bit of a gomode and I probably step on toes and he's really, really weird. Has anyone played a character where you feel like you're tripping over people, but you're enjoying it so it's probably okay? Not sure if I explained it well. But Leto is my baby, never dropping him (ghanima do want)

- [personal profile] aragorn says I should make a table for people who want me to app them counselors. ... This is what my life is like.

- I wrote an essay on Kirk and felt better. I feel I should write more though. Kirk's development is ... really strange compared to a lot of media I see because it's... not linear! At least, that's the feeling I got from it. I'm hoping the new movie will shed light there but that's like. A year away. And I'm terrified of checking people's meta on it because he's someone I adore my portrayal of (and I think for kirk, portrayal-wise, it's fluid. There's a lot of variations of the new kirk you could do) and I'm not confident enough to read anyone else's superintelligent thoughts yet.

- Wow, I talk a lot about RP. Well, life starts tomorrow.

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (knights and angels)
- Zoo field trip! Both hectic and fun. Nearly lost a kid. Nearly died then and there. But the animals were great! The polar bears really put on a show and we saw lemur babies and tons of animals literally just a hair's breadth away.

- Came back. Wrote an email, cried a lot and then promptly passed out on my bed. For three hours! Zoo is tiring business.

- Only two more days of school. My parents don't want me going to school anymore. I have my schedule for Murdoch. Today, a kid invited me to his bowling party. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I might not make it.

- Writing has moved to bursts and three separate projects. Fight, fight, fight!

- I might do a self-evaluation. Or an anon meme. I need to recheck how I perceive myself and how people perceive me. But right now, I'm just worn out.

- Need to make pimp posts at CFUD, do my Cubia app, do Cubia icons, start posting at my DR.

- Ferrari is acting reclusive. I guess it's because he's finding it weird to be the only turtle in the tank. Maybe I should go buy another one, but the thought just hurts.

- I have a post with thoughts I need to type out. I feel now more than ever, I need to be clear and truthful with myself and with other people.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Pity-fest)
[community profile] highschoolthingy 

that name is sian's fault.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Ooh baby do you know what that's worth?)
I'm still enamoured with the idea of having a High School Dressing Room. Any thoughts?
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (the world's gayest ninjas in action)
- I have switched therapists! Kinda. I'm now trying this new thing at a place called Bio Residences which is basically me lying down a lot while people go clackclackclack with their instruments. Apparently, it's electroshock therapy... but like. You don't feel any shocks. I don't even know anymore, man, therapy just keeps sucking money from me.

- I got HeartGold! (me, succumb to peer pressure? NEVER) and really I could have succinct thoughts but it's Pokemon, guys. My deep thoughts really range from FFFF that gym leader to Mom, please stop calling me and please stop spending my money, do I have to suspend my account from you :(

- [livejournal.com profile] tsunbyknight get! With unexpected castmates! And I'm enjoying everything about hiiiiiiiim, his icons, his threads, his everythinggggggggg god, tsunderes are really made for me guys. It's also helping me get back my RP groove because for a while I was like, "Threads. Pick up. Threads. Cry". I wasn't feeling it! But now I'm feeling it.

- Someone app me some motherfucking Trek cast at CFUD. I don't care which of the many, many various canons you app from, JUST DO IT.

- Writing is coming along, albeit slowly, but I'm not discouraged!! I have a few ideas bouncing around and while I work on my main piece, I'm trying to do side-story/headcanon as I go along and it's helping a lot.

- I. I like totally derped out on the kissing meme. I will try to get back to it!! But I just realized that kissing fic =/= me is not a good combo.

- However, a meme I will not derp out on is a ~love meme~. Comment here and I will tell you how much I love youuuu. If you feel it's not satisfactory, I will attempt to show you via stick figures.

- Supernatural tomorrow. I think I might only watch it if [livejournal.com profile] poor_choices is online and willing to hold me close.

- One of my turtles won't eat properly. I'm a little worried.

- The thunderstorms in this country is going to give me a heartattack, I swear.

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (If you loved money as much as me)
So this week so far has been fairly magical in the sense that I can get up in the morning and use the computer! No school, no parents, it's like the high like. Of course, having too much of the high life makes me feel restless like there's something more I should be doing but I'm not! But eh, it's my week, I should spend how I like!!! At least if I keep telling myself that, it'll come true!

But I guess having too much of a good thing is weird as well. I was totally intent to play loads this week, complete my activity, do lots of icons etc, but lately I feel like I've been falling flat on that. An odd sense of staleness has infected my play (to the point that I was like sdfshdfsd I am playing Dean shittily! and Dean is my baby). I dunno what to do with thiiiiiiiis. I wanted to run an event, but I can't muster up the enthusiasm to do that! Which is really not helping my feelings of fail (perhaps I am simply not destined to run events, they are meant for beings with a high calling than me).

Well, it's only Tuesday. By Thursday, [personal profile] aragorn will be here and all those feelings will fly away as I smother her with my love.

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (If you loved money as much as me)
  • Finally did my first entry on [community profile] freud! ... And I still feel jittery, but it's good to have stuff in one place now. Debating on whether I want to shift my Kirk [microcosm] essays too.
  • Finally started doing things with [community profile] fst as well. ... Why do I mod things sob.
  • I should also do a state of the union meme for CFUD characters.
  • Play again at [community profile] pandoras now that I've recovered.
  • Decide on my counselor early so that I don't dwell.
  • Decide on a camper too.
  • App Aang at [community profile] pandoras 
  • Sorted out my pesky feelings! Realized that I am a douche with people! But you know, realization is a good step.
  • Do a few character FSTs
  • Make more icons. Finish Haruka's set.
  • Finally call that computer guy to fix my comp.
  • Send in application forms.
  • Debate on getting a tumblr
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (at least that's what I THINK)
- Inksome might be going down! Which means most of my RP related woes entries will be going along with it. So I'm debating starting a comm just to fill with RP thoughts and essays because I've played a lot of characters (and I can say that for sure) and so many essays tend to be scattered all over my journals. Might as well make a comm and start it in one place.

- I don't understand when talking to people became a struggle, but it has. I'm getting more and more moody and irritable towards... well, er, entitlement, I suppose is the best word for it (thank you [personal profile] unbelievable ). At this rate, I'm going to spend time talking to the sane people on this internet side and ignoring the rest. I've always prided myself on being fair, but I'm not gonna do that at the expense of my piece of mind. Just, no.

- I've been marathoning Avatar and it's very good just to watch and hang back. I wish the fandom for it wasn't so intense. (no seriously, spn? star trek? no problem. but avatar fans? when talking about a cartoon show? terrifying).

- I'm even thinking about apping Aang in [community profile] pandoras if only so I can finally have a communicative person in my lineup (don't get me wrong. Sherlock is super-communicative! But does the man care? not one whit)

- For a while I thought I lost my Dean mojo. I'm so glad I'm wrong.

- I wish I was less logical about dealing with problems. At least that way, I can fake sympathy and go there there. But ultimately, that's not gonna help anyone! ... So asking that of me is just ridiculous.

- Need to get writing, pronto.

- God, I'll miss my icon slots in Inksome. That is my only regret. Oh well, time to periodically recycle icons at DW  instead...