quixotic: Fandom | Black Widow (so much bs)
Someone I've known for seven years still uses the word "bishies" in her livejournal posts.

I'm. I'm in awe. Is she frozen in time, I cannot tell.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (little talks)
At least I can talk about my feelings in my journal without it becoming a debate.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (don't make me smack you)
Is there a way to stop neurosis? Because I hate rp neurosis. I know everyone gets it. Everyone has those moments of "oh did I fuck up? what did I fuck up? I don't even know but I bet I fucked it up". I despise it and I despise falling for it.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (mr bamf)
Unpopular opinion: I think plurk sucks at a social networking site.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (glittering)
Ask me stuff while I get ready for the new year!

rp stuff is fine too. active and inactive list
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (The Elfstone)
What if all I want to do is talk about my beyblade feelings???
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (bullshit)
As much as I love Mononoke as a series, I have to wonder why the level of violence towards women is so high? Is it a theme? A show that gives so much depth and time to the complexity of people and the culture is quite telling, but at the same time, I'm not sure if I have that much faith in the world at large.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (The Elfstone)
Ask one personal question~
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Glittering)
- Redid my icons! It's weird not having paid time on this account anymore, but I hadn't updated in ages anyway, so I guess I had it coming. At least I got to keep my mood theme

- Still, I am fond of this account. I should make more of an effort in using it.

- Man, I've moved from making icons with borders to icons without borders! What is this transition, self? Are you moving out of the box?

- I have a new SIM card for my phone that... I don't need. But I have to use it. How irritating.

- Unlike most of the people playing ebz, I find myself not so ... into it? I enjoy playing it when I do, but other than that, I'm just very blah about it most of the time.

- Took a break from Sabra, which did wonders for my mood, but now I have to figure out how to get myself back into it. Tough game is tough.

- However, on the CFUD front, I am happy.

- Today, I think, I will not RP. Maybe I'll play Bejeweled. Or do something equally pointless with my life.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (The Magnificent)
Ganesh Chaturti - Log


- Emotionally, I've been very meh. Meh about things I like, meh about my RP, meh meh meh. It's a bad state and I don't like it.

- I've been listening to some old Hindi music soundtracks that I loved back in the day. I don't know much of the new stuff, though I should check anything A.R. Rahman puts out. He was my favourite composer. I mean, I love Ramta Jogi.

- I am tempted to do some writeups on shows I'm watching. Like a female appreciate post per week on the characters in Vampire Diaries, or maybe a Community FST. Hell, I want to churn out fics again. Go go being involved in fandoms again!

- WHY IS MY HOUSE SO QUIET AUGH. Though I love how my maid and I sort of chill, me on the comp and her in my folk's room watching Tagalog movies.

- Also man I use my tumblr ALL THE TIME. I don't know how this happened! Also, other people seem to find me and follow me! ... I don't know how that happened either?

- As a person, I have noticed I go back and forth on being empathic and patient to being a jerk! Or it could be my paranoia at work (it seems to be rearing its head lately). I might poke people and ask "IF I AM BEING UNCOOL PLZ SAY SO". 

- How does one get better at communication anyway? I feel out of sorts on that front.

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Wishing you joy)
I have a well of anger I am trying to control. I am a Singaporean. I am also an Indian. I don't belong in India. I don't belong in Singapore. I don't have a community, I don't have a base, I don't have those things I used to have when I was younger. As much as I understand the West, I will never be part of it and the same goes to the East.

I want to talk about Gandhi. I want to talk about the home he lived in, the same home I lived in. I want to talk about my visit there, looking at the tiny panels depicting his life and the spinning wheel that remains untouched since his departure. I want people to understand there's a reason why we call him Mahatma in India. I want to talk about Hinduism, the dirty parts that stay with me, the times school was cancelled midway and the trips back home where I worried if a riot would come and destroy the bus. I want to explain how Ganesh is worth studying, but Ganesh worshippers took their idols to the sea and turned it grey.

I want to talk about the ugly things, the poor things, the orphanages I worked in, the mental houses I did charity work for. I want to talk about how literal the expression starving children on the street is because that was my life a long time ago.

Gandhi is not cooler than moe Hitler or Nazis, fandom, I know. Hinduism still looks nice on paper... I know. The only thing I can do is share. I can't make a point. I can't change anything. But I think, I will write a little bit here and there, and maybe, it'll mean something.

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (So demons are real!)
Man, this journal has been really whiny.

 - My insecurities seem to be on the rise lately. I feel like I talk and nobody's listening so I'm less willing to talk, which is stupid because I have a gazillion friends who are all wonderful people and listen to me babble. But you know. Feelings.

- Three modules down, three more to go. I hate it so much but I'm learning so that's good.

- Got a presentation tomorrow. I'm not ...stressed about it but I am kinda :| about the whole thing, considering half my class sort of ...avoided doing it.

- I apped Shishio Makoto at Sabra! I LOVE SHISHIO but I am also terrified. I have never actually played a character of his calibre before! But I am also excited because I'm out of my comfort zone and there are a lot of things I could do with him.

- I need to get writing again. REALLY BADLY. I am so out of the habit that it's worrying. Writing is still my ultimate goal.

- I'm walking more often. Having an mp3 player helps.

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (riding on dreams from whence I came)
- I'm starting to loathe my weekends with their ridiculously long classes and exams. Luckily I only have three more modules to go. Still, it wears me down because weekends is when everything happens and I'm just not around for them anymore.

- Beat the Elite Four and slowly powering my way through the gyms. I'm still kinda upset over a trade I did which wasn't the most sensible one, but eh. I'll live. I miss my Tyranitaur a lot though :( Also my Charizard is stronger than my Feraligatr. W-Win.

- I think, probably after Loveless Weekend, I'm gonna not play Dean for a while ( I WILL LAST TEN SECONDS INTO THIS BUT ). I need to take a break from him. I feel I'm getting to the point that everything I say is starting to sound like drivel and it frustrates me.

- A friend of mine is here for a few days! We watched Being Human and talked a bit. We both agreed Mitchell in the pilot was hotter. :)

- My kids graduate next week. I am of many minds about this.

- Must get back into writing full swing.

- Business Law this week. At this rate, I'll be so multi-educated, I won't even remember what I've been educated about.

- I have an mp3 player again! God I missed having one.

- And because I didn't do this and I missed a lot of love memes: Comment here and let me love you.

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Killing me softly)
I am going to rant! Ye have been warned all who enter here. Also this is not directed to anyone! Let me very specific here. This is not addressing an incident, but myself mostly.

Read more... )
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Being a teenger is hard)
To do list

- Finish app

- Study!!
- Do reading log
- Stop failing at communication
- Go beat Victory Road instead of continuously training (seriously self, I think you'll be fine, just do it)
- Maybe save up for an mp3 player
- Take crazy medicines more often.
- Beg dad to pay for my RP accounts if I can. If not, it's time to beg elsewhere (I hate, hate, hate doing this and I can't express words for the people who pitch in for me all the time. I just wish I had the freedom to do this on my own)
- Finish the essay for Dante and then start a second one for Dean. Oh, and finish codependent essay for Haruki
- State of the Union for my characters.

- Play George.
- There's more stuff here but I forgot what.

crankcrank.

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Pity-fest)
- blah the depression blues blahhh.

- god, you know what I wanted to do for ages and haven't gotten around to? Going to a cafe and chilling. Just that.

- Sending writing to places! The NewYorker site is a bitch, guys. A bitch.

- Tokage finished! and ahhh, it was so well done and perfect and why don't more people love this series I do not know.

- I'm trying to make icons again. This comp is weird so I have to get used to it.

- I can hear my free time slipping away.

- How is everyone? I've been ridiculously bad at communication lately. TELL ME SOMETHING NEW.

- Bio-Resonance says I have cancer cells. But Bio-Resonance also makes me hold things and somehow measure my energy levels. I don't know anymore.

- When did I become such a schmuck.

quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (knights and angels)
- Zoo field trip! Both hectic and fun. Nearly lost a kid. Nearly died then and there. But the animals were great! The polar bears really put on a show and we saw lemur babies and tons of animals literally just a hair's breadth away.

- Came back. Wrote an email, cried a lot and then promptly passed out on my bed. For three hours! Zoo is tiring business.

- Only two more days of school. My parents don't want me going to school anymore. I have my schedule for Murdoch. Today, a kid invited me to his bowling party. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I might not make it.

- Writing has moved to bursts and three separate projects. Fight, fight, fight!

- I might do a self-evaluation. Or an anon meme. I need to recheck how I perceive myself and how people perceive me. But right now, I'm just worn out.

- Need to make pimp posts at CFUD, do my Cubia app, do Cubia icons, start posting at my DR.

- Ferrari is acting reclusive. I guess it's because he's finding it weird to be the only turtle in the tank. Maybe I should go buy another one, but the thought just hurts.

- I have a post with thoughts I need to type out. I feel now more than ever, I need to be clear and truthful with myself and with other people.
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (lol to you)
- Going for the Murdoch course! I will pay for it tomorrow ahhh so nervous god.

- Stopping my meds means my junk food cravings have come back in full force. I feel like a glutton.

- Awkward feelings with school! But, meh, as long as I stick by the teacher I like to work with (and she likes me too!) I ain't gonna make a fuss.

- I found Dune fic on the internet! GOOD DUNE FIC. As in, not written by me! Do you have any idea how monumental this is. Ahhh. I read it all afternoon and it made me so happy and the things I would do for a Dune cast, a dune anything these days, guys.

- Writing in patches, which annoys me, but writing is writing. I might do another writing meme just to dabble here and there.

- I rewatched Stardust lately! And I had forgotten what an enjoyable movie it was. I'm not sure what the book is like (and frankly, I don't care either), but the movie is something I could easily watch a lot just for the sake of entertainment. Because it is pure entertainment. I think this weekend I'm going to sit down and watch Constantine and An American Werewolf in London. Both are relevant to my interests and I haven't seen them in a while.

- Guys, I could listen to this forever. I just. I love covers like this. Someone get me all their albums.

- Did I mention I found good dune fic? This is like the highlight of my life right now.

- Still trooping through Pokemon. It's amazing when I replay this game that I start to remember my old tactics and still find new things that get me hooked. Because seriously, whoever invented that game knew exactly what he was doing.

- I should also rewatch Star Trek. Just because.

- I have my own computer! Granted, it's my dad's old one, but who's complaining? Not me, man.

SO BLOW ME

Apr. 16th, 2010 11:36 pm
quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (So demons are real!)
- Got into Murdoch/Kaplan's Bachelor of Psychology! 

- Might also apply to British Council's teaching courses to pass the time.

- Need to get a job!

- Need to write more.

- James Cook University is having their open day tomorrow! sob so much for my free time this weekend.

- 66/100 icon slots filled!

- I said this on my lj, but I fucking love Supernatural.

- Watched Prince Caspian! Which I enjoyed! I really do like what the movies have done with the books, because face it, as much as I loved the books, character development/substance wasn't very strong in the first two (but great in the Dawn Treader, so if Hollywood fucks that one over, I'll never forgive them for it :D). Reepicheep was suitably badass, Peter the prick was delightful, Edmund was adorable and I really wish I could like Susan more but I just can't seem to.

- One of the things that I thought about recently and it used to crop up in fandomsecrets a lot was the argument about westerns playing eastern characters/countries/etc. And I talked about this with a few people about how bizarre it was to me. I'm from the East! I've lived my entire life in the Easter hemisphere! Yet, I am more inclined to playing Western characters. To be fair though, I had a strong anglicized background which ostracised me from my peers for about... a good twelve years of my life. I have lived a life being a part of both worlds and never truly understand either one completely. I wonder what that says about me....

- Gosh, DW giving me paid time was a great ploy. :( I want to update every hour because of my new icons.