quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Wishing you joy)
The Windmill Lover ([personal profile] quixotic) wrote2010-06-23 10:50 pm

(no subject)

I have a well of anger I am trying to control. I am a Singaporean. I am also an Indian. I don't belong in India. I don't belong in Singapore. I don't have a community, I don't have a base, I don't have those things I used to have when I was younger. As much as I understand the West, I will never be part of it and the same goes to the East.

I want to talk about Gandhi. I want to talk about the home he lived in, the same home I lived in. I want to talk about my visit there, looking at the tiny panels depicting his life and the spinning wheel that remains untouched since his departure. I want people to understand there's a reason why we call him Mahatma in India. I want to talk about Hinduism, the dirty parts that stay with me, the times school was cancelled midway and the trips back home where I worried if a riot would come and destroy the bus. I want to explain how Ganesh is worth studying, but Ganesh worshippers took their idols to the sea and turned it grey.

I want to talk about the ugly things, the poor things, the orphanages I worked in, the mental houses I did charity work for. I want to talk about how literal the expression starving children on the street is because that was my life a long time ago.

Gandhi is not cooler than moe Hitler or Nazis, fandom, I know. Hinduism still looks nice on paper... I know. The only thing I can do is share. I can't make a point. I can't change anything. But I think, I will write a little bit here and there, and maybe, it'll mean something.


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