quixotic: Fandom | Ava's Demon (Power bears a fanged name)
The Windmill Lover ([personal profile] quixotic) wrote2010-04-02 08:46 pm

(no subject)

Let's talk feelings again.

This week has been a weird week for me because I had been so looking forward to my time to myself, to do things that I like, but I'm not the kind of person who should have too much of a good thing. It doesn't do well with my conscience and the stuff I could have done, the more productive things, I was lax on and I felt bad for it and that badness just sort of further stressed me out. I didn't sleep well. I was upset frequently and defensive. I think, next week (depending on how I finish my activity. If I don't, I think I won't app this round. I can handle that), I might just not come online. Take a break from everything, work on things. My unis get back to me next week too. Perhaps finish my writing!

I met Klavier today! And yesterday too! And it sort of hit me how utterly hopeless I am at entertaining people. I just sort of go "SHALL WE WATCH THIS? OR THAT?". I really don't know how to talk much if I'm not talking about something I like! It was worse for me yesterday where I just sort of felt out of place. I dunno, I've never asked ex-Frau or Toph if they have ever felt... weirded out by me or uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable with myself! It's not a stretch that they would too.

Maybe I am still lonely. I need a job. My last one didn't work out, I need to try again. I need to study, I need to meet people. I need to actively work on these things and I think, I need to cut down on my characters at RP. It's not like I can't manage them, I can. But I think it's time I managed things... life better? I guess? I'm not sure what would help (I probably won't drop people for that reason, but. I should at least consider it).

I think I will rewatch Utena at some point.


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